I was doing some reading the other day and came across a term that caught my attention causing me to reflect and want to learn more:  “compassion fatigue”. Sure, I knew what each word meant independent of the other, but I had never heard the two used together. I began to do a bit of research on the term and found it originated in the 1950s, referring to the nursing community, in particular those involved in high-level care of patients.

Compassion fatigue refers to a condition in which an individual/caregiver grows less and less sympathetic to a particular circumstance over time. Because of the condition, individuals are at risk for depression, a sense of hopelessness, high levels of stress and anxiety, and a negative attitude in general.

Compassion fatigue is often felt in the medical community by those providing care to the sick, both psychologically and physically. It also frequently occurs among first responders, men and women in the police and fire department, teachers and counselors (especially those working with children with disabilities or in the underprivileged or poor areas). High rates of compassion fatigue also occur with rescue workers, dental professionals, and veterinarians.

Compassion fatigue is certainly common among special-needs parents and ministry workers/leaders caring for children with disabilities (more specifically, those ministry workers who are providing a level of direct care). This compassion fatigue may partly explain seasons of my life both personally and in ministry when I can honestly say I had compassion deficits or was lacking in grace; however, as we are called to imitate Christ, we must be compassionate, caring individuals.

Jesus demonstrated compassion for the multitudes (Matthew 9:36, 14:14). The Bible speaks to compassion fatigue in 2 Corinthians 4:1, “As we have received mercy, we don’t lose heart.” And we are reminded in Galatians 6:9 to not grow tired from doing good. In 2 Thessalonians 3:13, Paul encourages believers, “As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good.”

How did Jesus avoid compassion fatigue from the constant demands and needs of the masses to care and heal those with whom he came in contact?

• He took time off.
• He would slip away to be with God. (Luke 5:16)
• He maintained boundaries and was able to say no. “And after he sent the multitudes away….” (Matthew 14:23)
• He prioritized his time and kept the main thing the main thing. “And in the early morning, while it was still dark, He arose and went out and departed to a lonely place and was praying there.” (Mark 1:35)
• Typically those in a season of compassion fatigue tend to try to do more, only to accomplish less. Let’s admit it:  as caring, loving people, whether parents, caregivers or ministry leaders, we are wired to care; and good easily falls into compassion fatigue if we fail to practice basic spiritual disciplines and self-care. You are the most important person in your life, “love your neighbor as yourself.” (Galatians 5:14) You must first take care of you and your relationship with God by taking positive steps to combat compassion fatigue.
• Prayer and meditation
• Reflection and study of His word
• Healthy living
• Sleep and rest
• Diet
• Exercise
• Maintain balance:  work hard, play hard.
• Cultivate hobbies and interests outside of caregiving or ministry.
• Create a circle of support:  family and friends.
• Just say no:  practice the art of self-management.

The very first step in dealing with compassion fatigue is developing an awareness and acknowledging it is real. Caregivers, parents and ministry workers involved in continuous direct care of the sick, needy and oppressed day in and day out are very much at risk. There is a high cost to caring, which includes physical and emotional toil on the one providing care. We must be proactive by balancing a high focus on self-care and being dependent on God for our strength.

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:4-5)

Getting stuck in the cycle of worry is like a dog chasing its tail:  a lot of energy expended and not getting anywhere.  Stuck in the same pattern, unable to move on, and quite frankly, it’s exhausting. That sums up last week for me.

As a ministry leader and special-needs mom, my days were filled with more-than-usual clamoring voices with requests, demands, needs, and a to-do list that continued to grow with nothing getting crossed off as completed. Ministry work and home life collided more than usual as I had to deal with my son’s IEP issues in school, therapy concerns, the completion of a new physiological assessment complete with a possible new diagnosis, two behavioral emergencies, and, on top of that, a typical teenage daughter and the drama that goes with that.

Breathe in…1…2…3…. Breathe out…1…2…3…. As I focused more on my circumstances, my anxiety level increased and eventually was off the chart as I worried and fretted about how to solve all the challenges that were now on my plate. I am fixer by nature and, by default, fall into that mode. Being a mom is tough work, and life is complicated. Being a mom of a child with special needs bumps up the level of complication and challenges on most days. I had entered into a place of great worry and stress by focusing on the demands, challenges, and possible solutions brought on by the issues of the week. Focusing on what was in front of me took my eyes off Jesus. Shutting God out in the process and pushing Him out of the daily happenings of the days placed me in a cycle of perpetual worry and stress.

By Friday night, I’d had all I could take and realized I needed a break from stress caused by obsessive worry. I needed rest. Only then was I able to reflect on my great God and how broad His shoulders are. He invites us to bring all our troubles, worries and burdens to Him to carry. “Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) Rest does not happen on its own; it is something that needs to be intentional and purposeful. I needed rest from stress. I have to seek God first, and then rest follows. We need to trust God and His goodness and greatness. “Don’t let your hearts be troubled, trust in God, and trust in me also” (John 14:1) Give everything and every part of the day to Him. God is bigger than any struggle, situation or challenge in your life. God stands there with His arms wide open, beckoning us to come and give Him all our worries, troubles and trials. We only need to follow and keep our eyes on Him at all times.

“God, stretch my faith. Help me know nothing is too hard or difficult for you. You are bigger than anything and everything going on in my life and have the perfect plan.”

The Accessibility Summit 2012 has come and gone. What a wonderful weekend of reconnecting with dear friends and making new ones. The Summit flies by each year and becomes a blur of busyness and hustle-and-bustle. The nine months of planning is consumed in the 36 hours of actual Summit weekend.

This year’s Summit kicked off with a special leaders lunch to honor and thank those giving of their time and talents to serve and empower those with disablities. Twenty-one leaders came together to network, share  and fellowship before the evening events began. The Summit was filled with wonderful keynote speakers Eustacia Cutler and Patrick Henry Hughes, and informative workshop presenters.

After 30 breakout sessions came the post-conference workshops. This year, the post-conference session “Staying Balanced and Passionate about Disability Ministry” was an amazing opportunity for me personally. Collectively, I  and the four panelists, Aaron Scheffler, Hamony Hensley, Amy Kendall and Jodi Graff, possess over 54 years of experience in disability ministry and outreach. Hearing each speak from their hearts on the passion and love they feel each day as they go to work and what tricks and tactics keep them balanced encouraged and uplifted me. “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 27:17 NLT) I am a better leader from having spent time in the presence of these Godly servants. As a group, we came together to share ideas and strategies on how to keep ministry a marathon and not a sprint:  how to stay in love with ministry, those we serve, and  to be totally dependent on God in all seasons of ministry. Below is a list of some of those ways to stay balanced and passionate:

1. Take care of yourself first, physically and emotionally. Practice self-care and preventive health.
2. You are never too busy to spend time with God—in busy seasons, adjust your quiet time and prayer life (you may need to get up earlier or cut out some other activity).
3. Be in biblical community, and have a prayer partner.
4. Know your ministry vision, and be able to articulate that vision to others.
5. Write out personal life goals, and review them regularly throughout the year.
6. Invest in family and friendships; be present and in the moment.
7. Build a networking group of leaders with similar interests or ministry to bounce ideas around and get feedback.
8. Develop hobbies and interests.
9. Maintain a sense of humor — have fun at work and outside of work. Laughter is good medicine.
10. Control your schedule, or someone else will. Use a system, whether it’s a paper planner or smart phone.
11. Build teams, and give ministry away; many hands make light work.
12. Have a Paul and Timothy in your life; mentor someone and have someone mentor you.
13. Value your time off; turn off phones and email.
14. Learn the fine art of saying no, and be okay with it. Effective leaders need to learn to say no.
15. Remove toxic people from your life and ministry.
16. Deal with conflict using the Matthew 18 model.
17. Don’t worry about pleasing people; focus on pleasing God.
18. Never stop learning; be a sponge.
19. Every morning, the first thing you decide is your attitude; make the right choice.

I’d like to thank the amazing leaders who shared their insights on what keeps them fueled and their fires burning brightly for Christ and the ministries in which He has them. Thanks, Aaron (Mark 2 Ministries), Harmony (Key Ministry), Amy K. (Saddleback Church), and Jodi Graff (North Pointe Community Church in Canada). Because of you I am a better leader!

It was no surprise last week when CDC (Center for Disease Control) announced the latest findings regarding the alarming increase in Autism incidents. The research sited a swift rise in cases of Autism, a 78% increase from 2002 to 2008. In 2002, 1 in 150 children were diagnosed with Autism compared to 1 in 88 in 2008. Autism affects one million children in the USA and is associated with a spectrum of disabilities, including repetitive behaviors, social deficits, communication challenges and inflexibility. Many children with Autism have high IQs, while others have cognitive challenges.

While the medical community continues to debate the suspected causes of Autism, ranging from a genetic link to environmental factors, one thing is undeniable:  we as the church need to make ways for the families impacted by Autism and other disabilities to belong to community and to be loved by the church, as God loves. Many of those changes, considerations and modifications need to begin in children’ s ministry.

Houses of faith should intentionally seek out and bring in the families of children with Autism, who more needs God’s love, grace and mercy than a family in need or crisis. As a special-needs mom, I can attest to the fact that I and other parents spend a lot of time in crisis mode. Being intentional about bringing in these families begins with a changed heart, a commitment to love like Jesus, and then equipping leaders and volunteers with the necessary tools and knowledge to get their jobs done. Children’s ministry training needs to include disability etiquette, disability awareness, and curriculum differentiation/modifications, as well as behavior management and sensory needs of the child with Autism. These and other topics should no longer be left to the expert or special educator but to every childcare worker and church leader. With 1 in 88 children now diagnosed with Autism, this population will have a huge impact on children coming into church and ministry. A children’s ministry of 500 children would potentially have 6 or more children with Autism in addition to other children with other special needs. What do we do to train children’s ministry staff, leaders and volunteers to better include, engage, reach and teach God’s word to all His children of all abilities? What are some basic teaching tips?

Click here to see a list of downloadable materials from our Access Ministry website.

Following are a few tips to consider:

• Give children warnings before transitions; provide countdowns or timers to the next activity.
• Set expectations high; believe every child can learn and achieve.
• Vary goals based on children’s ability levels.
• Treat children with empathy, not sympathy.
• Capitalize on children’s strengths or areas of focus; get to know what excites each student.
• Know what each child does independently and what they need assistance with.
• Allow extra processing time when instruction, directions or multiple steps are given.
• Use visual aids and schedules to help cue children; vary modalities while teaching.
• Be patient with behaviors; begin to look at the function of a behavior—what need does it meet?
• Praise students for appropriate behaviors.
• Use nonverbal communication strategies:  learn basic sign language, and use picture symbols.
• Most importantly of all, welcome these children into programming. Let them experience God’s love through you as you become the hands and feet of Christ. Have the same inclusive mindset our God does:  all are welcome; He excludes none.

As I was pondering a leader I know and questioning whether she is worth following, in that moment God convicted me and had me reflect inwardly – What kind of leader am I? Am I leader worth following? What does that look like, and what things should I heed? I have been very fortunate in my time at Mclean Bible Church to be under several amazing Godly leaders worthy of being followed.

In order to become a leader worth following, I must follow Paul’s example when he said in 1 Corinthians 11:1, “follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ”. I need to be continually devoted to growing in my likeness to Christ. What does that look like in ministry?

Passion – I must be totally sold out for Christ with a fire in my belly for Him and His work. I get to wake up every day and serve in my ministry, not because it is a job, but because it is my calling and God’s plan for my life.

Purpose – I need to be clear in casting vision to my team, what we do and why we are compelled to do it. Access Ministry is committed to impacting the disability community in the Washington, DC, area with the message of Jesus Christ. Do I share a vision of the future and what is possible? I must remind the team our mission goes well beyond connecting special families with great programs, that the big picture is connecting them with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Is my heart aligned with Christ’s?

Plan – Do I have a plan in place for the ministry to reach its goal and purpose? Is the plan carefully bathed and covered in prayer to ensure it is God’s plan and not anyone else’s agenda, including my own? Do I constantly – in good times and in challenging ones – convey a message of hope and determination? We all know ministry can get tough and messy.

Power – When it comes to our power source, am I relying on the Holy Spirit or my own humanness? As a recovering Type-A personality, this is a constant struggle. I need to be totally dependent on His Spirit to carry and sustain me in ministry, not my own gifts and talents.

Personable – Am I approachable and seeking to develop the team as well as relationships with other ministries? Am I “others” focused, being a servant leader looking to assist others in becoming all they be?

Pupil – Am I student of leadership, continually hungry to fine-tune my leadership skills? Am I constantly learning and eager to learn from those on the team as well as others? To guard against the mindset I have arrived and know enough?

Being a leader worth following is hard work. I fall short daily. I don’t have it all together, and I make mistakes regularly. It’s kind of discouraging, except for the fact we have a God who is able to use each of us for the purpose for which He has called us. I am thankful in this season of my life, that I have been called to lead Access Ministry.

Every other week, I look forward to the night during which I am able to connect with my dear friend, Janine. Because of the busyness of life and our crazy schedules, meeting more often is just not realistic. Janine is witty, funny, and sometimes quirky, but such fun to be around. She has a passion for music and loves art. Janine has such a zest for life.

Before our preset getaway outing for the week, there is great discussion regarding what we shall do and where we should go. Both of us live in the same town, so the plans are usually local. Great thought is given on how to maximize our time together. Many times, we invite another close girlfriend to join us…the more the merrier.

Our precious time together usually consists of a gym workout at the local Y and then a bite to eat—oftentimes at a Mexican establishment. Table talk covers a myriad of topics from work, to family, to daily struggles, to bouts of silliness and laughter.

As a ministry leader, mom, and grandmother, my life is very full; but making time for friends is a necessity. Friendships are very dear to me. This friendship is especially important. Janine is a true friend and mighty prayer warrior. She is generous and kind and has no problem stating her thoughts or letting you know where she stands on an issue. Janine, besides her great personality, caring heart and sense of humor, has Down Syndrome.

For Janine, her phone does not ring nor does she receive texts with requests to fill up her social calendar. Other than home, work, and church, she does not partake in a lot of social activities in the community. Janine participates in Access Ministry’s Friendship Club. While people from MBC and Access embrace and welcome Janine, and accept and love her for who she is, I am not sure that is the case with those from her community.

One of the wonderful things about our friendship is it has grown well beyond the walls of church and Access Ministry into the community. Janine’s friendship is a wonderful blessing to me. I used to think I might be the blessing in Janine’s life; but God quickly cleared up that misconception, as I have been blessed tenfold while getting to know Janine better and God continues to reveal the beauty of his handiwork in Janine. I see His beauty in her.

So, tonight it is off to the gym for a light workout and then to Chipotle for a good dose of Mexican food and laughter. Embracing diversity strengthens the whole community.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10:  “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”

It’s the conversation children’s ministry workers and church staff dread, or at least one of the most dreaded:  meeting with the parents of the child whose behaviors have either become so disruptive or dangerous that they interfere with Sunday school. Oftentimes, we wait and hope the issues get better only to find the behaviors escalate, volunteers and staff become more frustrated, and parents begin to voice concern. So, what is a formula for success, and how do we take a difficult conversation and turn it into an opportunity for great success?

Meet Joshua, a third grader who loves the Lord, reads his Bible, and prays. He is hungry to learn about God. Joshua also has diagnoses of ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder, and an emotional disorder. When you look at Joshua, he appears “typical”; however, after being with him in Sunday school for a few minutes, you realize he is wired a bit differently from the other boys in his small group. He is easily over-stimulated, has a high degree of anxiety, and is incredibly impulsive. His responses and reactions are extreme and often seem unwarranted. Joshua has difficulty in social situations, taking turns, and in group or collaborative activities. He becomes easily agitated when things do not go his way and frequently resorts to violence, lashing out at others or becoming self-injurious.

Three weeks ago in Sunday school, the boys in small group were playing a game; it was a noisy, active game with much excitement. Joshua became upset with a boy he believed stepped out of turn. Joshua became verbally upset, punched the boy, and called him an idiot. After the volunteers interceded and separated the two, Joshua went over and began kicking the wall. The leader asked Joshua to go outside of the classroom, and the day went from bad to worse. Unfortunately, that day had not been the first during which Joshua had had difficulty in the classroom; there had been a handful of other times with similar behaviors and outcomes.

Based on the last incident, it was decided it was time to request a meeting with the parents, children’s ministry staff, and an Access team member. Access came alongside the children’s ministry staff in the role of inclusion specialist and as a professional resource. The date and time was set.

The meeting day arrived. Because mom homeschools both of her boys, a room was set up for the boys across the hall so we could have privacy. The meeting started with opening in God’s Word and prayer as a reminder of how to conduct ourselves and that we serve an amazing, gracious God we are to glorify in our words and actions.

I sensed the tension and defensiveness in mom immediately, mostly from observing her body language. I quickly explained the purpose and desired outcome of the meeting was to create a plan that would create success for Joshua in Sunday school, not removal from the program. Mom let out a big sigh of relief and said, “You have no idea how many programs we have been asked to leave because of our son’s behaviors.” Mom then relaxed and opened up, and together as a team we put together a plan to be used going forward to help set up her child for success on Sunday mornings. The meeting was a big success; but even bigger than that, it was a meeting at which God was honored. Below are the steps to success when communicating with a parent regarding a child’s behavioral issues:

• Affirm – Affirm to the parents that you love and care for them and their child, that it is your hope and desire to seek a plan that would allow their child to attend and learn about God’s great love.
• Acceptance – Make sure they understand you accept and welcome their child in the program, and that you accept them as a special family and want to serve them.
• Advocacy – Create opportunities for the child to learn to advocate for himself or herself. In this situation we created a break card for Joshua, who, when he becomes overwhelmed or needs to take a break and move to a quieter activity or area, he can hold up the card and be given a break.
• Awareness – When possible, teach a child to be aware of feelings of boredom, overstimulation, or not enough stimulation, and provide choices. If children are not able to verbalize, present them with pictures of facial expressions showing different emotions, and teach them pointing.
• Accommodations – Seek to implement accommodations that support a child’s learning style and needs. Joshua is a sensory child, so having fidget busters and a weighted toy to place on his lap or shoulders helps him feel organized. He also has some auditory sensitivities to loud noise and music; the use of earplugs helps with that. Mom agreed to always send Joshua with earplugs. Because Joshua has sensory challenges, he often needs a place to which to retreat that is calm and quiet; creating an area outside his Sunday school class with a pop-up tent and bean bag provides a retreat for a few minutes. Joshua is highly visual and is helped by the use of a visual schedule and rules to help him manage transitions and expectations during Sunday school.
• Action – End the meeting with the commitment that both church staff/volunteers and parents are on the same team and are seeking to work together for the child and his or her spiritual development and personal growth. Avow that, together, we seek not to teach compliancy but the bigger goal of competency. Review next steps for all parties, and recap in a follow-up email. Commit to follow-up meetings or discussions.

As more and more children with disabilities are included in our schools, communities and churches, there are even greater opportunities to celebrate one another’s differences.  For a child, friendships can be one of the most rewarding aspects of their lives. Friendships are beneficial to a child—they boost confidence and competence. Friendships help foster social, intellectual and emotional development.   Having a circle of friends opens up new ways and opportunities for a child to experience the world. Friends walk through life with us during times of great joy and challenges. They become our greatest cheerleaders, coaches, counselors, confidantes and clowns and add such value to our life. Why, then, is it so hard for children to be friends with a child with disability, and what can we do as adult leaders in our homes, communities and churches to facilitate and encourage inclusive friendships so children of all abilities  are laughing and playing with one another?

I recently read a post by a special mom titled “My Child’s Dream: To Have Friends”. I was so saddened by some of the statistics cited in reference to the loneliness felt by many children with special needs, troubled by the isolation felt by many. Some had no friends or very limited time with friends. Only one  percent of children with disabilities spent an hour a day with a friend.

The biggest barriers to fostering inclusive friendships, those between typical children and children with disabilities, are not physical barriers but more the barriers of attitude or condition of heart. It is clear that we as adults have great influence on how we respond to and include those with disabilities. Children are always watching us, and we as adults have great impact on how children accept and relate to those who are different. We have the ability to facilitate environments and situations that foster inclusive settings in our schools, churches and community by doing the following:

1. Believe disability is normal, and God made all children in His Image.
2. Teach disability is natural.
3. Become an expert on a particular child, NOT his/her disability.
4. Be comfortable in the world of disability.
5. Provide adaptive equipment, so all can play or engage in the activity.
6. Plan activities children of all ability levels enjoy.
7. Create time for socializing and connecting.
8. Encourage collaboration and teamwork.
9. Teach taking turns and social skills through game playing, such a back and forth games.
10. Identify a child’s strengths and areas of interest, and incorporate those into programming.
11. Pair up peers with similar interests or strengths.
12. Facilitate opportunities for peer-to-peer learning and interactions.
13. Model appropriate play and interaction; be the role model.
14. Teach non-verbal communication strategies to typical students.

By being intentional in our efforts to model inclusion, we help foster friendships for all children; and by doing so, we help all to experience the joy of laughter and play.

Qualifications are one of several key factors to being successful with landing that perfect job in today’s market. Lack of qualifications can sometimes make or break your chance of getting the job you want. Recruiters scan through hundreds of resumes searching for that one candidate who meets the qualifications. 

Luckily, serving isn’t like looking for a job. Serving does not rely heavily on your qualifications. There is an amazing quote out there:  “God doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called.” There is so much truth to this quote in the fact that God will qualify us if we are willing to serve Him. The Bible is full of individuals who did not have very impressive resumes or qualifications to their name, but God did amazing things through them. Your lack of qualifications should not hinder you from serving in ministry. One of the biggest misconceptions about serving in a special-needs ministry is you need to have certain qualifications. I know this because I speak from personal experience.

I was working in the IT field for a large corporation when a friend of mine introduced me to Access Ministry.  At the time, I was in my mid-twenties and had no prior experience working in the special-needs community, nor did I know anyone affected by disability. I agreed to attend one respite event to be nice and figured it would be a one-time event. What I didn’t know at the time of the offer is that’s where God was calling me to serve. Six years later, I am still volunteering with Access Ministry. The night I attended respite for the first time changed my life. God opened my eyes to such a beautiful community I had never seen in my life. I remember sitting in a meeting several years ago with Access director Jackie Mills-Fernald. She told me you can teach a person what they need to know to get the job done, but you cannot teach a person passion. I came to Access Ministry with no qualifications, but I had passion. I was like a sponge the first few years soaking up all the knowledge from staff, classes, and other faithful volunteers. During that time, I took my love for everything creative, especially photography, and started using those gifts within the ministry. I have been able to participate in all the ministry’s programs at one point or another. Volunteering with Access Ministry has opened my eyes and my heart to a community that is oftentimes forgotten. I am truly blessed to be serving alongside such amazing men and women of God, who are passionate about serving. I feel humble that God has picked me to serve such amazing families, and that they allow me to serve their children. I was not qualified to serve in Access, but I answered the call and God qualified me for the job.

You do not need experience to serve; you need passion. We are all called as Christ followers to serve others (1 Peter 4:10). The reality is potential volunteers don’t need the right qualifications; they need God’s calling! Where is God calling you to serve?

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” (1 Peter 4:10)

In walks young David, in full camouflage military gear. He was ready to lead his troops into battle and victory on Sunday morning in the midst of his Sunday school class. David is one of our Beautiful Blessings children: 13 years old, weighing all of 50 lbs soaking wet. David is bright and articulate, with amazing fascinations and often times fixations. David has a complicated diagnosis complete with ADD/ADHD, developmental delays, PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disability), and emotional disabilities. His fascinations and fixations lead him to fantasy play of great power, oftentimes assuming the role of a lawyer, manager and, today, a high-ranking military officer. David has a great strategic mind and delights in the operation of organizations, hierarchy, and power struggles.

David’s self-appointed role came with much power and responsibility. Very quickly, the lead teacher, volunteers and students were assigned ranks of less importance in David’s play. Headquarters were quickly set up with a pop tent, which remains in the classroom for times when students become overwhelmed with sensory input and need a place to escape. The tent was converted into a strategic command base with a chair added and makeshift military supplies. Once free time and guided play had ended, David was determined not to participate in prayer and lesson. In his mind, he was the person in charge. It was at that point – at the power struggle between classroom schedule and David’s military plan – I entered.

One of the most important lessons I have learned in 13 years of disability ministry is there is great value into stepping into the world of a person with disability and not always demanding or requiring they step into our world. I was called into the room to begin negotiations, a situation that, at first glimpse, appeared to be a lose-lose situation: the teacher desiring to begin the most important part of class and a student not just refusing to participate, but vehemently so. Wanting to use David’s interest, strength and area of expertise to enhance his learning and classroom experience, I became not the Access Director, but a five-star general instead. I saluted David, made introductions, and requested permission to enter the room. Permission to enter was granted.

As I engaged David in conversation to get his story and perspective, I used all the military lingo and knowledge I knew to better relate to him and his fascination for the day. I knew that by using his obsessions, we could create a positive teaching experience for him. We reached an agreement at which David would report to a tactical meeting (comprised of prayer and lesson) facilitated by a lower-ranking officer (the teacher). Once we had fully participated in this meeting, we could resume military discussion at tent headquarters. We spent time on our visual schedule posted on the board to help David stay on track and see the reward toward which he was working. Part of the negotiations was I was to be his secretary tasked with taking notes. I quickly asked to be considered for the position of executive administrative assistant to which he agreed after careful consideration.

After David fully engaged in prayer and lesson time, he asked permission to be excused, and he and I headed for the tent. Once inside, he handed me a yellow steno pad (we created an office supply kit for David, as he loves office supplies) and asked me to take notes. I responded with the customary “Yes, Sir.”

I dated the yellow piece of paper and titled it “Military Meeting”. I then asked him for the agenda items. David responded we would be talking about God’s love and grace. I perked up and asked, “David, do you know what grace is?”. He shook his head. I explained it to him as unmerited favor, receiving a wonderful gift we do not deserve. I asked him what he thought God gave us that we do not deserve. His response was “love”. I explained love comes in the form of His Son, Jesus Christ. I then challenged David and asked what we should do with this great love God has given us. Should we share it with his troops, friends in school, and the neighborhood? We had a lively discussion on whether God would want us to share or hide that love. After some coaching, David agreed love should be shared because we have a God who is love; and we are called to love all people, not just his military troops. We talked about how great leaders are filled with love and compassion and what a great leader David is.

This wonderful one-on-one discussion with this very special 13-year-old boy with multiple disabilities only happened after being willing to step into his world of fascinations. By playing into his fantasy and fixation, it created a bond and opportunity to have a significant discussion regarding God and His great love for us.

We entered the tent to have a tactical talk. We left having had a theological talk instead. Priceless.

“Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn’t take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I’ve become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn’t just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!” (1 Corinthians 9:19-23, The Message)